Jan 06

when i posting this blog... my heart beats faster and love feeling on it + scary feeling+ please dont drop tears yet tak boleh. sad.... 2day i just start my college.... sigh wish could like last time during july 02-july 31..... 2day i saw her 3times but 2 times i din look at her face..... early morning i saw her sitting then i like turn back walk another way.... then another 2 times i was just looking on the floor..... like no balls to face her... seriously now i still know i love her alot... and emotionally sensitive on her..... now im all alone.... i dun wan being alone..... during lunch i went to eat with brian gang... but i din eat... and just sitting there can day dreaming.. din talk much.. few word only... sigh sigh.... last friday i was got my result... after knowing my result....... then nite she told me the answer.... sigh result like this+ her.... how sad am i ?i was preparing jelly during noon... every1 also can do jelly... nothing special on it... i was wanted to cook cabornara but fail... sigh.. when making jelly, i waas got tear dropping... omg i accidentally drop my tears on the jelly... at first i also dunno... then i just took it out from that pot.. then let the jelly cool abit. i want to put fruit inside then cannot already because that jelly cool jor... argh i put the fruit on top of the fruit...hope that jelly will not have taste salty. i 1st time do jelly sigh..

sigh sigh sigh!! i really love her. DO YOU HEAR ME?

serious pimple

2week back my cousin and I went to see that doctor to see my pimple... 2day we go again.. doctor say serious problem and give me same medicine... say see whether will getting better anot.... serious problem still dun wan give me stronger medicine!!!! wait for another 2week again..... this time early morning lagi worse... outside of clinic can see ppl waiting already at 7something... we reach there 7.45 then we get so behind..... the clinic haven open yet also long
queue up to 70 ppl.... later on we have to wait until 11am then is us to see doctor... so long wait for 3 hours there.. my cousin bring me eat breakfast... she say roti bakar nice o... cheh same taste nothing special also.... whole day i so sad emo emo.... a month already i still emo and sad... plus extra thing.... emo of my result... kena bang by my mom.... sad emo...

my cousin sister and I

EMO

i din post few days... i also dunno wat to post... just her again everyday... 2day i get my result... my result too "good" i also dun have eye to seee.... im just goin to prepare bang by my mom tonight.... i dont wat to do and i also worry about her result too... Now i feel guity toward my mom.... Sorry, Mom!!!!! I wont make my mom disappointed anymore.... During afternoon, i fold love heart shape... den i arrange it nicely put it on the floor.
is that ok? i dunno how to show my love in this month to her... so i just wait until that day come... but now i think............................................................................................... sigh i get this from friendster she says all i ask is just a little honesty that you're not coming back to me.... Actually im the one wan to say that to her i wan her get back her little trust on me... i still love her.... without her in this month i love her more and more deeply.... u say you're not coming back... sigh hope i would have little chance for me...

Painting day... not christmas...

ppl celebrate.... i stay at home painting..... sigh.... morning i went out with parent eat dim sum at kuchai lama, old klang road there... so expensive.. we didnt eat that much also 60buck++ nvm its ok i also no appetite to eat....
After come back then start paint... i cant do those kind of work.. no even 10 min then sweat alot.... i just paint the iron gate grilll only... so hottttttttt.... last time i see those workers paint very fast!!! pro!!! we take more than 2 hours+ finish that grill and 3 person doin it.... 3oclock only finish.....
Nothing much today also just paint but ...... her again..... i miss her and i love her....

See skin specialist

2day went to skin specialist to see my pimple. See doctor also need to wake up so early. i wake up at 6.45am then my cousin sister fetch me to see. She also wanted to see. Haha both of us also got serious problem with skin. Early morning go there also got ppl waiting in front of clinic... seem not bad. This clinic is Ting skin & laser clinic at 136, jalan imbi road...... Later on, getting more ppl.. lucky we get there early and get number. Only monday... like this also got ppl waiting.. i cant imagine during saturday... It is our turn to see doctor... less than 5 min gao tim.. so fast.. haha i just only get pimple cream, toner, cleanser + pills.. my cousin sister worse than me she have to apply more than me... pills that doctor gave is stronger than mine....This clinic sure damn freaking rich... i think a day can get around 100 patient. Each patient roughly 100buck... can u count 100x100= profit per day....Went back home around 10.30

stay home day dreaming about her again.... i dun wan mention it.... i love you....
scheduled

Tong yuen day

i went to my grandma house at kajang to have dinner. Actually was not dinner, be4 that uncles decide to cook for lunch.. but they came back late from somewhere... so they cook for dinner. sigh that time i din eat lunch.. luckily got my little nephew, YJ around age 2+ play with me. He call me uncle swt... Her mom said he like to play with ppl who is around my age.. but 1 thing when her mom not beside him... he definitely cry and said "I WAN MUMMY" he will non-stop crying until her mom come back. actually he is not naughty also de and just only love to stick with her mom.... just like me now... without her i drop tears... Around 9something go back home... 2day though i play with my little YJ.... i still miss her alot and she just pop up in my mind



my little YJ

Sadness of the month

i have one month sem break... Sem break? i dont feel like is a sem break... I feel like something is goin to break... But i dont wan it to break... Break up is big deal for you? Yes.. because she is the only one that i loved. No1 is better than her in my whole life. Every single micro second im missing her.... A month is long period... i dont know wat im supposed to do... i cant talk to her.. cant see her.. all my decision are pending on you... This month i think alot of thing and learn alot of thing from the past..

From the start till now.. all is my fault. Thing i have done i really really really regret... Can i return back to the pass? I have to face reality.. is there any choice? is there any chance? is there any hope? is there???!!!!! Everyday i will keep thinking Am i goin to lost her? im really really scare knowing the answer... im scared know the ending....

Everyone know lie is a bad thing. This teach me a lesson. Why did i lie? because at first i dont wan her to worry and dont think too much... there are still got meaning behind it.. But is good to like her worry and think than not to.. One day she was asking me did u lie to me about bla bla thing and she give me chance to say... yet i still say no........ wat a stupid thing... she give me a chance to say.. y dont i? i dont know wat went through my mind but i can see now... make her suffer... lies bring her bad thing now and losing trust and confident... now does she love me ? she replied me i dont know.. empty feeling.. SEE WAT I HAVEN DONE?

I will never ever repeat myself again... I wont let it this thing happen anymore.. i always say you should appreciate me but no.. i should appreciate you more. Now I cant care her... she says she can take care herself. It is not enough... How about her feeling? she still suffering... I really wanted to show her how much i love you.. how much that i care you even though im not around you.. My feeling still around your side. She was emo-ing.... i worry her and i cant do anything because she said i dun feel like talk to anyone...

Last sentence that i can say....
I LOVE YOU...